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The Anime Virgin's Drinking Game
Every once in a while, an otaku has to bear the burden of breaking an outsider into the world of anime. To ease the transition, Akadot offers The Anime Virgin's Drinking Game.
Rule 1:
Noticing the subtitles, the virgin may become agitated. If they complain and utter anything akin to "I have to read this movie?" gently force a 40 oz of cheap malt liquor down their gullets. Then do the same for yourself. This should make the subtitles issue moot.
Rule 2:
If the virgin wigs out over the sexual content so prevalent in most anime, take a drink. Then make them take a drink. Now explain that cartoons, not unlike real people, can love, die and have sex. If they believe you, drink. If not, make them drink until they do.
Rule 3:
While watching the selection of anime, for every time the virgin asks, "Is this 'Pokéman'?" take a drink to steady your nerves. Then punch them in the mouth. Repeat if necessary.
Rule 4:
If the virgin points to a character and asks, "Is that a he or a she?" you should…actually that's a good question. Everyone in the room take a drink and consider the role of gender in modern society. If you need some time alone, take it.
Rule 5:
Every time the virgin asks, "Why are their eyes so big?" everyone in the room must pour grain alcohol into the layman's eyes then say, "That's why!" Then laugh at the poor soul.
Rule 6:
On the odd chance that the virgin asks, "What's with all the panty-shots?" instead of launching into a diatribe about the behavioral suppression of certain aspects of Japanese culture and its affect on the entertainment industry, honestly admit that you have no idea and down a girlie drink.
Rule 7:
Should the virgin ask, "Why don't their lips sync up?" anyone who's ever done a fan-dub must slam their drinks. The dubber who's had the most to drink must then explain to the virgin how the original dialogue track was recorded in Japanese, and had to be dubbed over for the western market. That, or they can just vomit on the virgin's shoes. Whichever seems more appropriate at the time.
Rule 8:
Finally, due to the intrinsic difference between Japanese narrative structure and most western conventions, the virgin may become confused as to what happened. This is easily remedied. If they say, "I don't get it" the ever-helpful otaku will just make them drink until they do.
There now. Hopefully Akadot has helped you educate your new friend. If not, blame yourself you silly lush. Cheers.
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